The Crack That Saved Christmas
by videogameandanime-empress
Summary: Join Tidus and his friends on this wonderful day filled with magical crack. Join both FF7 and FFX characters. Not to mention a certain little fairy boy from Legend of Zelda. Read and Review! Cowritten by NightGenie. Don't blame us if you lose IQ points!


Tidus started singing, rather horribly, as he opened his magical bag of crack. "La la la la la la," he sang whilst sniffing the magical sent of his drugs.

Cloud watched him pass by, then decided this was nothing unusual, and started being emo in the corner.

Tidus jumped up from where he was sitting and ran over to embrace Cloud. "Cloudy!" he squealed. Cloud went rigid at the embrace of another man. "Get off me."

"But..." his eyes filled with tears "Cloudy... YOU DON'T LOVE ME ANYMOOOORE!" he screamed in Clouds ear.

"No kidding. Let go." He tried to push Tidus away.

Tidus continued to cling tightly "Don't you wanna share my magical crack with me?" he pleaded.

"Not really..."

Tidus sighed and released his death grip. "Hey Cloudy, have you seen the who- I mean Tifa..."

Cloud sat and glared in an emo way at Tidus.

Tidus looked at Cloud confused, "What?" he questioned.

Cloud shrugged. Tidus was just something to hate while he was exercising his emo-ness.

Tidus whimpered and sat in a corner hugging a pillow, and his bag of crack, crying.

Just then Yuffie bounced into the room. "Hi guys!" she shouted as loud as she possibly could.

"Yuffie!" Tidus jumped up and screamed "Heeeey!"

"HI!" Yuffie screamed again, trying her damnest to go up an octave.

Cloud stared at them both and hoped to go unnoticed.

A familiar voice could be heard as someone entered the room. "Gawd, what's with all the yelling in here?" Yuna said spitefully. Tidus through his arms around her. "Get off loser!" she yelled pushing him away. Tidus started crying again "Why's Yuna so bitchy today?"

Yuna glared at him viciously "I'm not bitchy!"

"Yeah, you are." Cloud stated flatly.

Yuna stomped over to Cloud's emo corner, "You want a piece of me you emo punk?!"

"Who you calling emo, bitch?"

"Who. do. you. think." she emphasized each word with sarcasm.

And suddenly, Link fell through the ceiling.

"What the hell?!" Yuna said jumping backwards.

Tidus continued obliviously hugging his crack.

Link looked around, bewildered.

Tidus got up and walked over to Link. "Hi there!" he smiled "Would you like some magical crack?"

Yuffie jumped in front of him "I do! Can i have some?!"

"Sure!" Tidus squealed excitedly. Yuna rolled her eyes.

Cloud took this opportunity to shove Yuna onto the ground.

"You little..." she jumped up from the ground. "DIE!" she screamed as she bitch slapped him.

Tifa busted in and immeadiately dropkicked Yuna.

"What's your problem whore?" Yuna said annoyed.

Tidus ran to Yuna's side, "It's okay dear, have some crack..."

Link decided to hide in the far corner of the room.

Tifa stepped on Yuna throat

"Hey!" Tidus yelled, this time with an angry tone, "That's my Yuna. MINE!" he growled.

Suddenly a loud obnoxious voice boomed "No, she's mine!" Seymore entered the room.

Everyone stared in stunned silence at teh odd and sudden She-Male.

"What?!" Seymore demanded, "Is there something on my face?" he searched his pockets for his mirror.

"Seymore?" Yuna gasped.

"It is I, dear Yuna." Seymore proclaimed proudly.

Cloud stared in amazment. "Gawd that's nasty..."

"Oh, and I'M a whore!" shouted Tifa.

Yuna looked at Tifa, "DUH you're a whore, look how you DRESS..." she gazed over in Seymore's direction "and you.." she shuddered unable to finish.

"See that," Tidus said defensively standing between Yuna and Seymore "She doesn't like you. Now you go bye bye!"

Yuna looked at Tidus approvingly and said "Good boy. Now go sit over there." she indicated to the corner the magical crack was in.

"Well it's obvious who wears the pants in that relationship..." Seymore said scornfully.

"Actually.." Tidus said from his corner "A lot of the time we aren't wearing any-"

"SHUT UP!" Yuna shreiked.

Yuna blushed and looked back at the others "Hahaha he's insane," she insisted "that crack must be getting to him. I've never seen him without pants, hahahaha..."

"Actually Yuna..." Tidus said playing with his magic crack. "Don't you remember all those times-" his sentence was cut off due to Yuna launching her shoe at his head, knocking him unconcious.

"Um...Excuse me?"

Yuna turned around to listen.

Link was speaking. "Why does everyone...like...hate each other here?"

Seymore opened his mouth to speak but couldn't. He, too was baffled by this.

Link looked around, unsure of what kind of reaction this was.

"It's because of SIN!" Tidus proclaimed, fainting soon after.

Link stared blankly at Tidus' unconcious body. He risked asking, "What does that mean?"

Yuna looked at him in shock. "Sin! You know, the big moster terrorizing the world!?" she yelled in disbelief.

Link stared at her, waiting for more of an explaination.

"She's crazy." Cloud told Link.

Yuna glared at Cloud "At least I'm not emo."

Cloud glared back. "No, just a crazy bitch."

Link was now utterly confused.

Seymore put his arm around Link "It's all so chaotic. Poor you, please it's all right not to understand... I'll be your comfort."

Link decided that now was a grand time to turn into a wolf and try to bolt out the door.

Tidus arose from his slumber, picked up his bag of crack, and walked over to the others. "Hi!" he smiled.

Everyone glared at him, except for Yuffie, who had made the sudden decision to steal his magic bag of crack.

Tidus screamed as Yuffie took his crack "HEY! That's mine!" he whined like a five year old.

"No, it WAS yours. It IS mine."

"You suck!" Tidus frowned. "Fine, I'm going back to Zanarkand to get more. BYE!" He yelled slamming the door.

He was stopped by the odd site of Red XIII and a wolf-form Link chatting about the devastating affects of war and why people shouldn't hate.

Tidus stared in confusion, mostly because they were using words too big for him to comprehend.

"Hello, Tidus." Red XIII paused to acknowlege him.

"Hi there!" Tidus grinned "Would you like some magical crack?"

Red XIII frowned. "Drugs are not a healthy obseesion to handle emotiions, Tidus."

Tidus looked at him blanky, suddenly his eyes grew large "Crack is a drug???" he asked in amazment.

"Poor boy. You need help."

And that is how Tidus's magical crack saved Christmas. "What?!" Yuna yelled at me.. I mean the narrator, "What did it do?? It's not even Christmas!?" Shut up crazy bitch.

**(A/N) Holly: Wasn't that a lovely story?? Right? Right? I mean we did an awesome job, only we could create such insanity...-smiles-**

**Megan: Oh good, flames. I thought it was getting pretty damn cold lately...**

**Megan: seriously, someone would have had to sold Tidus the magical crack to enjoy this.**

**Holly: You DO realize you wrote half of this right?**

**Megan: And for that i should be punished...but i don't like punishment, so i'll just encourage flames.**

**Megan: matter of fact, I might flame it**

**Holly: Nonsense, people will love it. -gets out flame thrower- Right people?**

**Megan: We'll see. the first (if any) review will decide.**

**Holly: Alright then. Anything else to say to the reviewers?**

**Megan: yes; it's your fault if you're stupider after reading this. seriously, don't click crack links.**

**Holly: Bye everyone! Disclaimer: We are not responsible if this story effects any part of your health. Oh and we don't own Final Fantasy X, Final Fantasy 7, or Legend of Zelda**


End file.
